Just 23 years of life and I already seem so old and worn out. So many pages already in life that I have already started to lose count of it...I am still learning the art of living life...is it that long a process? Or, is it that I am truly a very bad learner?
There has been a time in my life when I had never been upset for long. I never used to sit back with sadness...somehow I would just wriggle out of it and be happy again. Somehow or the other...I just could not sit with sadness...so used to wipe them out and just erase them off...and that always seemed easy!
But times, they do change...and so have I changed with time. Life's not different with me...it's still the same...and I still feel sad and down...Only that I am not the same...and so, I no longer erase out my dark times. No, it's not that I have become a sadist and gain some amount of pleasure in making myself sad...it's just that I have lost the eraser...
Instead, I have learned to gulp down sadness and absorb the dark times...it's just that I now turn over the pages of my life more often...
I still feel, I still fall and I still fail...but now I falter and follow life...
It's not easy because deep down within me I know I am getting ruined...I know I am breaking...
But, yes I also know that I am rebuilding and growing again...
Gulping down your dark times can be difficult and painful...much more than gulping a glass of milk at the age of 3 or swallowing a big pill at the age of 5...
But, living in the dark times is worse...and so I choose to take it in and wait for what life offers me next. Very often, life takes a test of my patience, and keeps me giving the same dose...
Fine, I say...and I take it again...until I am so full that I can't take anymore...
There has been a time in my life when I had never been upset for long. I never used to sit back with sadness...somehow I would just wriggle out of it and be happy again. Somehow or the other...I just could not sit with sadness...so used to wipe them out and just erase them off...and that always seemed easy!
But times, they do change...and so have I changed with time. Life's not different with me...it's still the same...and I still feel sad and down...Only that I am not the same...and so, I no longer erase out my dark times. No, it's not that I have become a sadist and gain some amount of pleasure in making myself sad...it's just that I have lost the eraser...
Instead, I have learned to gulp down sadness and absorb the dark times...it's just that I now turn over the pages of my life more often...
I still feel, I still fall and I still fail...but now I falter and follow life...
It's not easy because deep down within me I know I am getting ruined...I know I am breaking...
But, yes I also know that I am rebuilding and growing again...
Gulping down your dark times can be difficult and painful...much more than gulping a glass of milk at the age of 3 or swallowing a big pill at the age of 5...
But, living in the dark times is worse...and so I choose to take it in and wait for what life offers me next. Very often, life takes a test of my patience, and keeps me giving the same dose...
Fine, I say...and I take it again...until I am so full that I can't take anymore...
1 comment:
Kind of dark. You have offered a solution yourself:
"But, living in the dark times is worse...and so I choose to take it in and wait for what life offers me next."
If this reader has anything to add, it's this: it's not unique to u :)
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