I have always known that life is a struggle, a tough journey over hard rocky hills...and I have always taken pride in my ability to go on smiling and laughing even during my darkest hours. I have always hated sadness, tears and pains, and so, have always tried to avoid them, forget them, and squeeze them out of my life. I love being happy and making others happy...and yes, I succeeded...succeeded in smiling and laughing much more frequently than the others around me.
For the past two days, mamma-crow is busy building its nest. It's the mating season and the new-borns are expected to come soon. The nest looks really nice from my window. Set on the inner-most brunch of the mango tree, amidst a thick bower of green leaves, it seems a cozy place. Mamma-crow has not forgotten anything. Starting from sticks, twigs and dry leaves to hair-pins and colored papers, the cradle looks wonderful with all of them.
Sitting at my table by the window, I was looking at old photographs. A few years back, the gates of adulthood were still closed for me. I was then still a 'girl'...it was a time when I dreamt anything I felt like dreaming...a time when I never worried about my future, never looked back at my past. I lived only in the present then, a wonderful, joyous present where I loved everyone and everything and was equally loved by all. Life was then a pleasant journey for me, a glide over green pastures, soft stubble fields and under a bright, blue sky. I flew like the wild geese, danced like the proud peacock and sang like the vibrant nightingale. It was a time when I looked at life through tiny bits of colored glasses and thought that it was a wonderful thing to be born on this earth as a human being.
The golden sunrays fell through the leaves and shone on the new home of the crows. I could see five new eggs in the nest. All day long, now and then, mamma-crow swooped down over the eggs and kept a watch over them. The mother hopped around its nest with a tenderness that I never thought a crow can have...
Being a "little girl" was great...but one morning I found my colored bits of glasses gone. As I looked out through the window, I saw a strange, gray world outside. It was then that I realised that adulthood has grasped me and pulled me with its strong arms into the real world...I stepped out of my teenage into the real world where my dreams got shattered...I now belong to a whole world of reality where I have to seek for every bit of love I need, a world where all my love break into pieces by cruel harsh truths.
The eggs have been hatched and five baby crows are peeping out of the nest...Poor, little creatures, the bright sunshine dazzles them...balanced in the tree branch, they wait all day long for mamma to return with little tit-bits for them. It's nice to see the mother feeding her babies - beak -in -beak...
I am an adult now, a lady of 20 years. I am no longer aloud to speak out my heart...I have to measure every word I speak; one mistake and I lose ten points...ten points of love, ten points of care, ten points of concern, ten points of friendship, ten points of life...My emotions get crushed everyday under heavy, thick-soled shoes. I dare not hope for anything good; I dare not expect anything from anyone.
Mamma-crow remains very busy nowadays. Bringing food for the young, feeding them and for the past two days, teaching them to fly. The mamma-crow flies around its nest in little circles with fibe little dear ones behind her. One afternoon, a daring baby crow tried its steps alone when mom was away. It slid and fell down below...the tom-cat gave a dinner-party that evening...
I now dream of a wonderful, colorful past. I live in a bitter, unwanted present and die every second in fear of a worse future. Future is always dark...a tangle of dark flimsy cobwebs and black moths. Even the tiniest bit of happiness in the present is engulfed mercilessly by a cruel future. Life is no longer a glide over wide outstretched green plains...it is a struggle...a struggle with the darkness, sorrow and hatred...Everytime I want to fly out, I fall down terribly hard, break my wings and they bleed badly...Everytime I want to dance to the tune of raindrops pattering on the roof, some invisible shackles bind my feet and pull me down to the darkness of life. Everytime I wish to sing out loud, I choke and a great lump in my throat stops me from humming the tune of a happy life.
The dark little one was the quickest learner. It soon began to follow mamma-crow to the topmost branches of the tree and soon learnt to fly around the tree alone. One early morning, I saw the little crow perching on the window-sill of a nearby house. Confident and brave, with one flutter of its wings, the new crow flew out...up, up against the bright blue sky...far away from the secure little nest in the mango-tree...
Yes, this is the first time I am living life and living life to the fullest. And, this is the first time I am realising the true meaning of a full-fledged 'human-being'...the first time I'm learning to see life as it is and not through bits of colored glasses...
