Life has always been a bunch of surprises for me...more than nice and pleasant ones, they have been ones of shocking surprises...that has actually left my thoughts tattered...my assumptions horribly wrong and my feelings crushed! Every moment I have lived life true, I have been shaken by its very truths...the mist before my eyes cleared and a crack in my trust on life...
I have never been a party animal...never been able to adapt myself to the corporate culture...never been able to belong to today...I often find myself sitting in a corner, away from the crowds, gaping at the crowds...every moment feeling myself to be so unfit, so lonely...
Still I stay back for the party...to know a bit more? Or to expect a bit more? I am yet to convince myself that dancing at an office party is not dancing during a college fest or at a Punjabi marriage...it's more about knowing people more...it's more about seeing a bit more of the real world of today where I would never belong to...
These parties are more about colorful lights, of smoky dancing floors...of the tinkling of wine glasses...smell of whiskey, rum and vodka...more from the people's mouths than from the glasses...of drunken boys hugging drunken girls (who are inevitably not their girlfriends)...of drunken "good" guys trying to be bad for the night...of girls in "awesome" minies...of loud music...and a lot of dance...and falling over and tripping over...of red eyes and more and more "fun"...
These are parties where you know the people a bit more...where you see your favorite manager getting drunk and dancing with pretty hot "chicks"...where you see the guy you adored and admired all the while getting high and behaving in the most "unmanly" way...where you see the one you die to talk with coming to you only to ask for a coupon for another peg...these are places where you get to know people more...learn to look down at people you usually look up to...
It's stupid not to be a part of all these "fun"...stupid to get a "pepsi" with the drinks coupon...stupid to be scared of drunken idiots...but then, it surely doesn't matter to me...
Yet somewhere it does...to see "fun" defined this way...it hurts somewhere to see how "stupidly" I differ...how lonely I am in today's world...pains to remember that I will not be able to change the world, as all these years I couldn't change myself...and I carry on with another crack and some more tattered thoughts...
